Bored and Lonely

Today I'm feeling somewhat bored and very lonely. All the kids are home from school today, but they aren't very good adult conversation. I miss my husband, and wish he was home. I have a lot to do today, but I over did it yesterday, so I'm sore and tired today, and need to take it a bit easier. I also have my post-op appointment today, so hopefully I'll find out that everything is fine, even though I still have some obnoxious swelling on the left side, and my intestines are still uncomfortable, and it hurts to pee. I hope all of that is normal, I've been told it is, but it will be good to hear from the doctor that everything is ok. LOL, I'm still in my night shirt, and my legs haven't been shaved in nearly 2 weeks. Yucky. I feel hairy :) I think I'm strong enought to bend over and shave them now, so maybe today when I shower I'll attempt it. I'm sure the doctor has seen hairy legs before, so I'll wait til this evening when Mark is home, so I will feel a little safer taking a shower. I'm not quite up to my old self again, so I feel better knowing that he is home so I don't get hurt and he'll be here to keep an eye on the kids. They seem to like to get into things and destroy things if I leave them unattended for any lenght of time. I've learned not to shower when nobody else is home unless I HAVE to. I am feeling a bit anxious today too, not sure why. Maybe it's because of my doctor's appointment, or perhaps it's because I'm starting to feel more anxious to move. I really feel strongly convicted to move back to Washington. Not saying it's going to make life "easier", in fact, it might make things harder for a little while, but I am not often "convicted" to do anything. It's not just a desire, it's like I feel a NEED to. I don't know what to make of the way I'm feeling, it's just what it is I suppose. I need to get some more boxes so I can pack up some more of the things we don't regularly use, to make the actual moving process easier. Mark is having an "open house" thing on Saturday to see if we can get more people in to see the house, and to try to sell it faster. Superbowl is on Sunday, and this will be the first year that we don't have superbowl party at our house since we married. I'm sad that I'm not up to throwing one this year, but even sadder that we don't have any friends down here that are interested in superbowl. Everyone moved away. The few friends that are left here aren't into football, and have other things going on on Superbowl, so it'll just be us. It seems weird. My whole world seems weird right now. I dont' know what's changed, or what's different, but I feel different, I feel like situations are different, and I feel like other people are different. It's kind of scary to me. I don't like change and I feel an air of change, and I don't feel like it's good change. It probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me, and I'm never any good at putting my feelings into words. Oh, well. Maybe someone else knows. Maybe I'm a bit depressed, which is a possiblity considering that I no longer have a uterus. I don't miss it, but at the same time, it's such a strange thought...... I no longer have a uterus..... Wow. Ok then. It's been a part of me for my whole life, my children grew in there. It's gone?!? Really?? The plus side for sure is that I'll never have a monthly again. Whew, that's a relief LOL. But really it's gone? I suppose I'll accept it at some point, but for now, I think I'm still in a bit of denial. I have this great big incision on my abdomen, which is still fresh, still painful, and something I have to deal with, but it still is hard to realize that I had a hysterectomy. I'm only 27! That's what happens to old people right? LOL. Strange huh? I'll come to accept everything sooner or later I suppose. So enough of my rambling..... I'm going to bore myself!