Monday, September 28, 2009

the fall arrives....

Brrr! The wind is blowing hard, and it's a cold wind, carrying with it a nice COLD wet rain. I love fall though. The trees are already changing color, some are already losing leaves, and I finally get to wear my long sleeves again! I love my long sleeves and hate not being able to wear them for the summer. I'm kind of a cold blooded girl, and like wearing long sleeves and pants, so this is GREAT!

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.... I am very terrified! I've had two horrible experiences at the dentist, and they always have a problem getting my numb, so we've opted for trying laughing gas. I've never used it before, and I'm scared to try it. I really don't want to look like an idiot, or make a fool of myself, so I'm scared. Hopefully it will be fine, and I will not feel the pain. I have like 7 cavities that need filled, so I'm going to do them one or two at a time. Mostly because of the expense. It's really expensive to go to the dentist, even WITH dental insurance! Yikes.

Cheyanne's birthday is on Saturday. She doesn't really care for cake, so Mark's aunt Donna is making 2 apple pies, and a pumpkin pie (by Cheyanne's request) for her party. We're going to just have a few people here. It will still be fun though. I put Mark up to the task of buying Cheyanne's birthday present this year. He's never bought a present for the girls, so we'll see how well he knows his daughter lol. It will make it a little bit more special for her to get it from Daddy, since he's not living up here yet. That's my thought anyway, but we'll see.

It's looking like he may be coming up soon though. He's been showing the house, and there is a guy I guess that may buy cash, and he wants to move it. He likes the look of the outside but hasn't been inside yet. He was supposed to come look at in today, but he rescheduled for Wednesday. We're praying hard that someone buys it really soon. We all miss him. I need my husband, and the kids need their daddy. This really sucks, but we'll make it through. God is in control though, and we have been thinking that there must be a reason for this separation, but the good news is, that it's just temporary!

Well, House is almost on, so I'm going to put the kids in bed and then watch it. :)

Saturday, September 26, 2009

I keep forgetting......

I know, I know.... I'm a terrible blogger! I forget frequently that I even have a blog. Well, it's just past 6am here and I've been up since 3, so I figured that now would be an OK time to try to catch up. Sort of.....

So I moved back home to Washougal. For the most part, I love it. I love seeing old friends, having fun hanging out, the slower pace, living near family (or in this case WITH family), and living in the country. It's so peaceful. What I don't love at the moment, is that my husband is still in Springfield, working and trying desperately to sell our house. I'm not going to get into all of the details of why I'm here with the kids right now, but lets just say it has a LOT to do with my mother. She is yet again attempting to destroy my life. She's a mean, vicious and vile woman, and I don't care if I never see her again in my life.

I've been having a lot more good days since I've been here in regard to my fibromyalgia. I think it helps a lot having the extra help with the kids, and being away from my biggest stress offender..... my mother. I'm currently looking for a new dr up here, and haven't had very good luck so far. The one dr I've seen so far wanted to take me off all my meds, and essentially start over. Not a good idea. I'm not a drug seeker, nor am I looking to get "high" off my meds. This is the regimen that works for me, and I'm really not interested in changing horses mid stream. I am going to see a friend's dr (my friend also has fibromyalgia) on October 6th, so hopefully he'll see that it's not a good idea to just go and change everything. Every person's body is different, and with having 4 other friends with fibromyalgia, we ALL take different meds, and that is what works for us. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to not have to take all the meds I take, but that is just not a realistic thought. There is no magic cure for this disease, and it must be treated on a symptom by symptom basis. That's why each person is so different in their regimen. I just need a dr that will accept that, and not "upset the apple cart" as it were. We can adjust things as they are needed, but in the meantime, I would like to keep everything else the way it is.

My kids started school September 1st. They're going to a small country school called Mt. Pleasant. It's the same school my husband and his brother went to when they were kids. I would have continued homeschooling them, but in Washington, you either have to have a teaching certificate, or you have to take them to a co-op sort of school, known around here as either "Homelinks", or "Home Connections". I have no certificate, and I don't desire to take my children to what equates to me as a public school, where I would have to drive them and it would really be a lot of in and out, driving and stress for me. I looked at my options, and decided that Mt. Pleasant would be the best option for us, AND they get to ride the bus (they love riding the bus), get swimming lessons for free as part of their curriculum, and can get the one-0n-one attention that they may need. It's K-6th, and said, that if a child is capable, they have NO problem advancing them a grade. I've known many of the staff of the school since I was a child, and many of the children that attend, are the children of MY former classmates. LOL :) Makes me feel pretty old. They really love it, and I'm glad they do. I believe the last I heard, there were some 60 kids in the whole school, and I appreciate the small community feeling of the school. In fact, next Friday, the whole school is going on a field trip to the zoo. It's just amazing to me.

So yeah, that's what's going on around here. I reconnected with a friend from long ago, and we've really been getting close. It got complicated for a while, due to another friend feeling inadequate or vindictive, not sure, lying to her about something I had supposedly said, that I didn't. We've talked about it, and realized that this particular friend, is someone that neither of us really wants to have in our lives. It's been nice getting to know here and spend time with her. She has 6 children, but one is grown and moved out. Her other 5 are still home, and her grandbaby is there often too, so I get a baby fix. :) It's just nice to have a friend to talk to, and just sit and drink coffee with. Our kids get along wonderfully, we get along great, and our husbands have been friends for YEARS! I've also been getting to know some of her other friends, and that is neat too, because we all get along as well. It's very interesting.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. So much has happened, and so much keeps happening. It's hard to keep everything together to form coherent paragraphs LOL. Say a prayer for us that our house sells soon. I'm getting really tired of only seeing my husband for 2 or 3 days every 2 or 3 weeks. I miss him terribly, and would like for our house to just hurry up and sell so we can be a complete family.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The day after hernia surgery

Yeah, so I'm pretty much incapacitated and in pain. It sucks, but I know it will pass..... eventually. I feel like someone stuck needles all over the inside of my stomach, then ran me over with a mack truck, then backed over me again. I haven't been able to see all of the damage, because my stomach is wrapped tightly with a binder, but I have peeked down inside and it doesn't look good. I've counted at least 8 holes, not counting the holes for the instruments, so I would guess there's about 18 or so holes in total. I'm going to take pictures when I change bandages tomorrow, and I'll try to figure out how to post them on here then.

My mother in law and Aunt in law have been so much help, but they left a few minutes ago, and it makes me sad. I wish the could stay longer, cuz I really need the help, but my mother in law has to work tomorrow. :( I'm not sure how I'm going to make it now that they are gone, but I'll figure something out. We've begun getting some meals coming in, so that is a huge help. Yesterday Heather brought a wonderful spaghetti meal. I didn't get any of it until today for lunch but even reheated it was delicious! Tonight, we got a meal from First Baptist church, but I didn't get a call telling me that someone was bringing a meal, so one of the ladies from the homeschool group is bringing a meal too. It will work out perfectly though, cuz we'll eat one meal tonight, and the other meal tomorrow, then First Baptist is bringing another meal Friday. So that leaves Saturday, and Sunday to fingure somthing else out for food. First Baptist is also bringing a meal Monday, Wednesday and Friday next week, so we'll work something out for Tuesday and Thursday. I wish Mark knew how to cook LOL.

So, I'm pretty sure I'm going to call it quits on the homeschool group. I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere in this group. It seems really "elitist" or "country club" like. It's like I'm an outsider, that just doesn't fit in. I'm still going to pray about it a little more and see what God wants me to do. So far, it seems like I don't belong, but again, I will just have to see what God has in store for me and my family.

Ok, I've got to lay down. I'm really hurting a lot. I'll try to come back again tomorrow and update on other things that I just couldn't get to today.......

Saturday, May 30, 2009


Yeah, so I've got alot going on in my life right now. We're pretty much broke, and running out of meat. I've treid so many churches, and Catholic Community services, and every other place I can think of and eihter they only take care of their own members, or they just don't have anything available because of the demand, so here we are. We still have some meat, but not for long. I'm trying to put this in God's hands, but I'm still running scared and not sure what to do. Anyway, enough of that.

I'm struggling with this homeschool group that we are part of. It's causing me to stumble. The people that are usually so kind, have been rather mean and at times just down right vicious. I really need support right now, but I feel like I can't ask for support right now with all that's going on with them. I'm still praying about what to do, but I'm feeling like I'm being led by God to do something else, so that I don't stumble in my homeschooling ventures. This is still new territory for me, so I need more support.

I'm having my surgery on June 9th at 1:30 pm at McKenzie Willamette Hospital. I have to check in at 11:00 am. I'm scared to have surgery again. The last one, while much more invasive was most unpleasant, and I'm not looking forward to being down again. It's going to be hard, because I don't have help with the kids, and housework, homeschooling, or cooking. I feel like I'm a lone ranger out here in the world with no friends or family to help me. It's an uneasy feeling. It would be wonderful if anyone reading this blog would help me maybe with a meal, or even send me a get well card, just to make me feel like I'm not alone, and that I am cared for.

I've made the decision that we will homeschool 2 days a week throughout the summer. I don't want the kids to lose any of their learning, and I have hopes that if we continually homeschool, more in the fall, winter and spring, and 2 days a week trhough the summer that we could finish grade levels a little quicker than otherwise we would be able to. Just a thought though. I don't want to put too much pressure on them, or myself. I still have yet to notify the school district of my intent to homeschool. I'll have to do that pretty soon I think.

I've started line drying my clothing on the nice days to try to save on costs of using the electric dryer. I hope that when we get our electricity bill, there will be a big difference. I feel good about doing though, because it's so nice having that sweet air smell on the clothes. It's nice feeling like I'm doing something in an old fashioned way too. I don't know how to put into words the feelings. It's like I'm doing something in my own way that is very beneficial in many way.

Ok, I've got some laundry to do, and a kitchen to clean today, so I'll be back here on another day.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It's been a while....

It's been a while since I've been on here. Let me tell you, the last few months have been a whirlwind. I've gone back to homeschooling, got my medications worked out, started line drying my clothing to save money, learned a lot about how to live with fibromyalgia, and found out that I need to have surgery again. Not to mention that my baby brother, is GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL next week! I can't even believe it. I used to change his diapers, and now he's graduating, and talking to me about entering "adult life"! It makes me feel really old. He's 10 years younger than I am, so it seems so strange to me for him to even be talking about "adult life". He's still a kid to me in my mind, even though he'll be 18 in August. Wow, it's so monumental to me to see him so grown up. I mean, he's as tall as my husband and well built, and grown to be a handsome young man. I'm looking forward to this milestone for him, and being part of it. I get to actually go to his commencement ceremony on the 6th, and you know what, I couldn't be prouder if he was my own son. That boy, excuse me, man, has overcome so much to acheive this and I am so proud. He had an award ceremony last week at Autzen Stadium called the "Turn Around Award", and I got to be part of that too, and he made me fees so special. I almost cried when he went up on that stage and thanked myself and my husband for everything we have done to get him here. How sweet huh?

So like I said, Ifinally got my meds worked out, and found a muscle relaxer that actually works. It's called Soma, and even though it usually knocks most people on their a$$, it works for me without doing that. I think I've come to the conclusion that the Nail Patella Syndrome I have, perhaps, may be why the other muscle relaxers didn't work. My anatomy is different that most peoples, and I think that that muscular skeletal problem that I have due to that particular disease may interfere with the properties of the other muscle relaxers. Just my presumption anyway, I could be wrong, but I think that's what it is.

I've been feeling so much better since I had the hysterectomy. It still seems weird to me that I dn't have a menstrual. I sometimes catching myself looking at sales on Tampax or other products thinking, wow, that's a good deal, before realizing I have no use for those things again. The strange, and sometime disabling pains in my abdomen, have ceased completely. I feel like a whole new person! I love it, and PRAISE GOD!!!

I started homeschooling again, using Abeka for Adrian, and My Father's World for Cheyanne and Sadie. Since Cheyanne and Adrian were in public school, and really did learn a lot, when I pulled them out of school at the beginning of May, we just went ahead and moved them up to the next grade. It's amazing how ready they were to do that. They're pretty focused in their studies right now, even though it's the end of the "school year", and I only do schooling 2 days a week right now. Ifigure, that if they work really hard, and get all of thier things done, they can move up to the next grade either next fall, or winter, which amazes me. I'm a little ticked off at Abeka though. I order the full child kit, and it din't come with one single answer key/sheet for any subject, and it also didn't come with a teacher's manual to help me figure out what Adrian needs to do for the day. I'm winging it, and he's eager, so I guess we'll just see how it turns out. I suppose it doesn't really matter, as long as he's learning all of the things he needs. I'm also using Rosetta Stone for Latin American Spanish. It's amazing, and I'm using it too, learning right along (sometimes ahead of) Adrian. Cheyanne is just not quite ready for it. I'm also schooling Sadie, trying to kind of adapt MFW First Grade to help her with things too. Cheyanne is learning to read sooooo much faster than I had expected, and it's GREAT!

So we're pretty much dead broke. Mark's hours have been cut, and we're barely making ends meet if at all, so I'm doing as much as I can to save money. I've started baking all of our own bread (haven't bought bread at the store in nearly 4 months), line drying our clothes since the weather's nice, making sure the dishwasher is as crammed full of clothing as it possibly can be, and bathing all 3 of the girls together. They like it most of the time, but I understand Cheyanne (my eldest daughter) wanting to shower alone sometimes. I'm trying to use less water as well as less heat/energy from the waterheater. It's working in some respects, but unfortunately, my heat pump keeping my house cool (for my health) is using up what I've saved, but at least it's not going to be too high, since I am not using the water heater, dishwasher so much, and dryer, it isn't adding to that.

The fibromyalgia really takes it out of me. I've learned that I have IBS, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) along with fibromyalgia and Nail Patella Syndrome. It's been a chore learning to live with all of these conditions, and I still have much to learn. I'm not getting to all of the things I need to in a day after homeschooling, so my house is in a bit of disarray. I wish I had someone to help me clean and organize this mess. Did I mention I'm a terrible organizer? LOL. The good news is, every day I'm learning more about me and trying to help my husband learn more too. He's a stubborn ol' goat, but I'm sure I'll get it through his head eventually. I just can't be superwoman anymore, and that's a bit of a hard pill for him to swallow. He doesnt' understand the sheer exhaustion that goes with this, but when I'm awake at 3 am baking bread and making him breakfast he sure appreciates it!

So I have to have surgery again..... yay..... (insert sarcasm here). I am so not looking forward to having another surgery. This time it's a hernia called a "ventral hernia". It started as an umbillical hernia after I had my first child, and eve though I had talked to doctors before about it, they didn't seem concerned. So, 3 more pregnancies later, it's about 5 inches long and goes from below my belly button to about 3 inches above my belly button. They're pretty confident that they can do this in a day surgery, putting a patch on it so my intestines aren't exposed. If it isn't going to work, they'll have to do an open surgery, and that will put me in the hospital for a few days again. Whoopie ( NOT!!!)

So yeah, that's what's been going on around here for the last few months since I posted, but I'm trying to make a commitment to come back here more, and POST! I'm sure you're all just DYING to hear what crazy messed up adventure I'm on at any given moment. More sarcasm, can you tell? LOL. But I do need to keep you all updated, so I'll really try to come back more often. Hope all is well with you!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Sad and blue and feeling frustrated.

Yesterday my eldest daughter 6 yo was found to have headlice (by me), so in turn the other two kid and my self got it. How frustrating to have to treat 3 girls and myself. It cost me $60 to buy all the things needed to to take care of the problem, my hair alone took 2 bottles since it's nearly 3 ft long. As if that wasn't tiresome and exhausting enough, I had to remove and wash all of the bedding, mine included, put them all back on their beds and wash all clothes, coats, stuffed animals and spray all the mattresses the couches, seats in the van. I was exhausted so we had leftovers for dinner. Of couse I was already in pain by the end of the day yesterday after exhausting myself so much, and this morning I woke up even worse. You all know what it's like. A serious overdoing that causes you pain that day will multiply. I didn't hardly sleep at all last night, so now I'm not only in pain, but I'm just beat. Serioulsy bad exhausted. I ran out of muscle relaxers, and the doctor hasn't refilled them, I ran out of vicodin because the doctor hasn't refilled them yet...... Frustrating in itself. So my husband sends me a text message asking me "is it was morning yet." I sent one back saying "unfortunately it is." And he says, "what now?" I said "I hurt a lot and hardly slept and found 2 more bugs in our daughter's hair." Then he says "Is life for you ever goig to be good again?" I got mad first at his insensitivity, but now I'm just sad about it. He just doesn't understand what it's like to live in my body. I've tried to explain it but I just am not getting through to him. It's really sad to me to have my husband, my best friend, saying things like this when I need him most. Dang it I'm crying again..... What do you do? How do you make something like this better? How do you talk to someone who obviously doesn't understand. I'm just at a loss and I'm very sad about it. I could keep going but I won't.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Another sleepless night

Geez. I don't know what my problem is, well, yeah I do, but anyways I didn't get hardly any sleep last night. I literally ( no exaggeration at all), woke up every 2 hrs all night. I mean EVERY 2 hrs all night long. Thankfully I didn't stay up long, but I really feel unrested, and very sore. I've got a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders and upper back. I really hate days like this. They call it a "flare up", and it really stinks. I don't mean to complain, but I'm trying to document my journey through this disorder called "fibromyalgia".

It was really strange that I would wake up exactly on the hour every 2 hrs last night. I've had it happen every 4 hrs, but never 2 hrs. I wonder what that means. If it happens again, I'm definitely going to have to call the doctor and see what he says. It may be that the amitritptyline isn't working properly. I don't know.

On another note, today is my second smoke free day. It's not easy to quit smoking, but I know that I'm doing the right thing. Why did I continue smoking even though I didn't like it? Because I was addicted. Addiction is like having a little monster inside of you that needs it's fix. Everytime you give it it's fix it grows. I am no longer going to feed that monster, and I'm going to enjoy quitting because I'm not losing anything. I'm not suffering a loss by not smoking, I'm just not feeding that monster anymroe. I'm not losing anything by not smoking because there's nothing to lose, I don't enjoy it, it stinks, it tastes bad, it costs way too much money, and it steals my life. I'm losing nothing, I'm gaining my life......